Its 3 A.M!I am still tossing sides on my bed.For Last week hectic schedule's hangover is still on my senses.Probably it happens to all .We don't have perennial tight schedules but I love my days when they tight budgeted on time.Being in software industries for 10 yrs,quite accomplished and satisfied with my work.I started picturing myself out in perfect frame of Life.Last week presentation to client seemed to have scored extra badge on my shoulder and my first milestone at this role of manager has been accomplished.Suddenly,a question disrupt my perfect life model.Why I am still awake and not satiated with what all I have yet?I have quiet many options to ponder and scrutinize.My Loo break and midnight coffee wake-ups are meant for brainstorming personal sessions where I vehemently fail to analyze clearly and reach to conclusion.I think of my mother's word ,to marry again which gives a cold feet to me whenever it crosses my mind.To brief out that phase where I was married off to a handsome man by my parents to earn the social stature and future security for their daughter.I have had no complains ,its just didn't work out as expected.To sacrifice all you have i.e your career ,name identity dreams wasn't easy for me.For I cannot love myself that way and then how can I love anyone if i start disliking self.To my utter surprise my partner could realize my suffocation and supported me to pull out from emotionally drenching commitments.I do feel sorry for him.We are still friends and occasionally catch up for coffee.What I am seeking is beyond any of this material pleasure or comforts.I seek unconditional LOVE like any Harper Lee novels,quite unrealistic for my age as I am no more a teenager.Quite unrealistic for career driven women mostly.For I needed a reason to calm down and slow my pace to observe the world around while getting lost in rat race.But How?I have never felt need for a man or anyone basically in life as I had been doing my work both outdoor and indoor household chores quite efficiently.Occasionally will have dates with guy having more of better sense of humor rather than financial or physical charisma.Finally at 5:30 am,I realized I need to fulfill my wishes like having a bucket list and ticking off what I had always wanted to do as girl.May be that's the reason ,why I am feeling unsatisfied.I tucked up my hair into messy bun and went to kitchen to make my cup of ginger tea.While sipping it,a smile etched at corner of my lips,so I have cracked most difficult question now!
